For as long as I can remember, college has been something I dreamed about. I idolized the ideas of freedom, individuality, and escape that surround it. I thought that once I got off to college everything would be different; to be honest I thought of college as a utopia of sorts.
In my childhood I never dreamed that I would make it this far. I set low standards for myself, thinking but never voicing that I didn’t imagine I would still be alive by the time college rolled around. My depression and low self worth have always sabotaged my mind with those thoughts.
By the time senior year rolled around , my depression had let up a bit. I was determined to go to college, but not just any old school- Centre the top school in my home state. Centre was never going to be anything more then a fantasy for me, not because I didn’t have the grades or the community service, but because I don’t fit in with the particular breed of human that attends Centre. I never imagined myself going to a Christian university, but now that I am at Asbury I can never imagine wanting to attend a secular school.
I’ve barely been on campus for two days. It certainly has not been the easiest two days of my life, but I am trying to remain optimistic. Yesterday upon arrival, I was told very specifically that I would be staying in a dorm room. They gave me the key and with the help of my dad everything was moved in. Hours later , I am notified that I had the wrong key and needed to move my stuff to the dorm on the other side of the hall. That was not a fun experience. My room is still not set up, because of the amount of discouragement that left me feeling. My new room features a bathroom that joins me with two other girls. They are loud and have not been very friendly to me so far. I hope that I have come of as considerate of their needs, but stern about my own. I can not have them being this loud all year.
Today I woke up and attended practice, only to find out that my key card no longer would give me access to my building. Being locked out was no fun, but knowing myself I can hardly be upset… I was bound to get locked out at some point.
I hope that as the year goes on things get better. This is a huge adjustment period in my life and I don’t want to miss a opportunity for joy because my vision is so clouded by everything that seems negative. Above are only two examples of the crazy mess that was move in day. I might provide more at a later date.
For now I will leave this beautiful picture of a random rainbow on campus: